Hawaii looks into football game in Japan; superconferences to follow


And I couldn’t be more excited about it.

While in Japan to attend a University of Hawaii basketball event, UH AD Jim Donovan said the school is moving forward with plans to play a regular season game overseas, possibly against a Mountain West or Pac-12 opponent.

That game could come as early as 2014.

Obviously, the financial gain for Hawaii and the to-be-determined opponent would have to be greater than a seventh home game, otherwise there would be no reason to play it, right?


Think of the possibilities.

In light of resurfacing conference expansion and realignment talks, it’s entirely possible the Warriors are taking matters into their own hands. Playing a football game in Japan, despite a possible $600,000 travel tab, opens up UH to the rich Japanese recruiting grounds and maximizes exposure to the Tokyo media market.

You gotta spend money to make money, right?

Besides, it’s only a matter of time before the Mountain West scoops up six new Japanese institutions of higher learning, and with 10 conference members already in place, forms the first 16-team (and intercontinental) superconference. The BCS, recognizing the financial potential, then has no choice but to include the long-time outsider as part of the exclusive country club.

Pac-12 commissioner Larry Scott, who previously thought he was ahead of the curve, spontaneously combusts in a fit of rage/discontent/self-loathing for not having thought of the idea himself. This relinquishes all power to MWC commissioner Craig Thompson. The Mountain West merges with the Pac-12 to become the Pac-28.

Power hungry, Thompson vows that Scott’s dramatic self-destruction was not in vain and extends invites to all Big 12 members to join the Pac-38. Texas A&M, suffering from Jan Brady syndrome, refuses to be attached to Texas’ hip any longer and boldly declines an invitation. The Pac-38 takes Houston instead.

This backfires for A&M when the SEC responds to Thompson’s zealous expansion by absorbing the entire ACC and Big Ten* plus Louisville and Rutgers to form, ironically enough, a new conference that is known as the Big East. Old Big East commissioner John Marinatto retires a happy man knowing, for once, his conference name was relevant in college football.

(*note: the SEC originally tries to go international as well by dipping into Mexico and the Caribbean because of the lush recruiting grounds. Confusion follows when some realize fútbol isn’t actually American football.)

In an even more ironic twist, A&M does not receive an invite because of a miscommunication with SEC Big East commissioner Mike Slive (and co-commissioner Jim Delany). New United States president Rick Perry says, “As far as I know, conversations were being had.”

The Aggies are stuck in football independence with BYU and Notre Dame, now known as Purgatory. They’re joined by TCU, who is cursing under its breath after losing AQ status in the great SEC raid.

Meanwhile, the two new super superconferences rise up in mob-like fashion and overthrow NCAA president Mark Emmert and BCS director Bill Hancock. History later depicts the coup d’état as a dramatic climax of Emmert desperately ripping out pages from the NCAA rulebook in his office as DeLoss Dodds enters. Emmert stops his feverish activity and slowly meets eyes with Dodds as the Texas AD closes the door behind him as Mozart’s “Requiem in D minor” blasts through the empty hallways.

Every high school game in America is broadcast.

With no restrictions on postseason format or regular season rules, the college football world transforms to an unrecognizable free-for-all. Nick Saban oversigns gives opportunities to 50 recruits every year; Ohio State re-hires a tattoo-laced Jim Tressel who condones winning over ethics; Miami gives the middle finger to everybody and “makes it rain” on South Beach.

Okay, maybe it doesn’t change that much; ESPN’s “Blueprint for Change” becomes the “Mystery Science Theater 3000” of college football.

The season becomes 26 games with a plus-one format. The winner of the Big East and Pac-38 meet in a championship game, with the winner receiving the Mark Cuban Coach’s Trophy.

And Donovan, the man who started it all, is recognized as a national hero. When asked who gave him the inspiration for such an audacious move, he replies “Joe Paterno, who I’m glad to say will be back next year at the age of 116 to coach another year of Nittany Lions football.”