Morgantown couches breathe easier as outdoor furniture ban enacted

0 Comments

If you happen to be in the Morgantown area and notice davenports with a little extra pep in their step, now you’ll understand why.

According to wvpublic.org, the Morgantown city council Tuesday unanimously passed a law “that would ban people living in city limits from having upholstered furniture in their yards or unenclosed porches.” No one spoke in opposition to the measure prior to its passage.

For those who are unaware, West Virginians have a tendency to burn inanimate objects such as couches to celebrate big wins in sporting events, which 99 percent of the time involves West Virginia University athletics. Suffice to say, the new legislation was meant to curb such post-game torchings, which have seemingly been on the rise in recent years.

“Over the last 10 years, we’ve had over 3,000 street fires because of the quick ability to bring furniture from porches and put it into the streets and put them on fire,” Morgantown City Manager Jeff Mikorski said in a sentence that might startle some around the country but is just another day at the office for God’s Country denizens.

As far as the punitive measures meant to deter the hillbilly pyros, a fine of up to $500 can be imposed, but only after one written warning has been issued.

Of course, if the urge to torch something becomes too overwhelming, there’s nothing to stop individuals from dragging the La-Z-Boy out of the house and setting it aflame.  Or store it in the garage ahead of time.  Or cram it into the bed of a pickup truck in anticipation of a win.

In other words, don’t expect this new law to much more than slightly dent WV’s hallowed couch-burning tradition.